Fruit

So I am thinking a lot about the connection between being faithful and seeing fruit in your ministry. I mean we talk about fruit a lot don't we? Should we focus on numbers or should we focus on discipleship? If don't see numbers does it a ministry is not viable? Etc, etc, etc. Thinking about the Biblical prophets has only added to this issue. Look at Ezekiel (one of my favorites.) He did some extremely strange things because God asked him too, and what was his fruit? Did the people listen at all? Not that I can find recorded... Then there is Jonah. He was practically pushed through the city of Nineveh and the entire metropolis converted. *Sigh* I have to confess, I don't understand God. What is the secret? There is no secret is there? Why are some ministries seeing explosive growth? Why aren't others? Why does one minister in one location see not only amazing growth in numbers, but also deepening faith...then move them somewhere else and they struggle? It doesn't even seem connected to the Holy Spirit. Or maybe it's connected to how open the congregation is to the Holy Spirit and has little to do with the minister's connection. Who knows?

I should also confess that I am struggling with this for selfish reasons. I'm on fire with the Holy Spirit. I'm reading the Bible and praying more than I ever have in my entire life. I am putting myself out there, meeting people, which is huge because, believe it or not, I'm really shy. But I've given my personal shyness over to God in order to be bold. And nothing. No fruit. The church service I am so passionate about is dying. The young adult group completely tanked and I am floundering with how to re-launch. My fear is that it's me. It's funny, I've worked so hard on my confidence in who I am in God. But this last major stronghold remains steadfast. No fruit, or very little fruit, causes great doubt in my soul. To be honest I probably need to just remain faithful and keep at it. I'm just afraid it'll all die before it really gets a chance.